Here we go! There are all kinds of Israel tours but no one does it quite like we do…

1. Ramot in the Golan - 2 nights
2. Manot in the upper Galil - 1 night
3. Haifa - 1 night, thank you Bahá’u'lláh
4. Dead Sea - 1 night (it is SOOOO boring there)
5. Eilat - 4 nights
6. Jerusalem - 2 nights
7. Tel-A-fuckin’-viv - 4 nights

Holy Land look out cause we are on our way!

But it kind of sucks too. I just did a quick lunchtime read of the The Iraq Study Report and the situation is not looking too good for Iraq. I wish I could say I was amused, even sarcastically bemused, at the smug sense I get while reading. Everything those of us on my side of the war debate have been saying for years is 100% justified - no make that 100% correct. We win. HA HA. Ok that is enough, because almost a million people are dead, wounded, and crippled.

There are 4 key parts to the report that I want to highlight:

• The insistences on the need for broad ranging diplomatic consensus. Thank you for telling us something we didn’t already know, or should I say, have been saying for YEARS.
• As noted just about everywhere, James Baker is not a Jewophile. Recall him saying: “Fuck the Jews. They don’t vote for us anyway.” No, you do not recall that? This will help.
• The mention of Israel and Syria is, in my opinion, appropriate, however, you have to keep Baker’s love for Jews in mind and read the conditions carefully. Syria would basically have to cease to exists as it does today - stop being a pain in Lebanon, stop smuggling arms into Iraq, stop being a pain to Israel. After a page of “only ifs” then you get to the point that Israel should give up the Golan. There are 2 major reasons for Israel to keep it: military importance and water. (I will dismiss the Zionists reasons for keeping it, for now.) If Syria is a friend, maybe the military importance diminishes. Water, on the other hand, is in short supply over there. It would benefit all those involved to start to own up to the major role water rights play in the region.
• The mention of a need to bipartisanship from these people is simply offensive.

Keep these items in mind as you read yourself into a rage.

Recall, I wan entranced by the Golan Heights. On my next trip to Israel I plan to spend a lot more time up there. In the news today, the release of the Iraq Study Report (I am printing it now) comes this novel idea:

Special panel …which looked into situation in Iraq and Middle East, rules that ‘in the context of a full and secure peace agreement, the Israelis should return the Golan Heights’

I am saddened. This area is spectacular. Go there while you can. But, I tell you, this will not happen with out a fight, on all levels. The Syrians deserve nothing, and I will not as much as hold a door open for one now, let along when this goes down.

This on the wire:

UN criticizes Israel for Golan Heights annexation
Human Rights Council passes two resolutions criticizing Israel, but keeps its record intact of singling out no other country for human rights abuses

Hmmm, what do you think? 6 months in existence and the first thing this tribunal takes on is Israel? Not China, not any African paragon of civility? But Israel.

This is seriously boring and predictable. When will it end?

Will you say this is antisemitic or no this is anti-Zionist or what? Which lable should we put on it so it isnt just Jews complaining or so that it isnt Israel claming it is being beatne up on?

I am willing to listen if someone can explain this to me.

Cool notes about Israel:

• People say Shabbat Shalom as a greeting on Fridays and Saturdays
• Jesus fish are all but non existent (thank G-d)
• Hotels have synagogues
• Drink the fresh juice, it is amazing, and everywhere
• For urban coffee lovers don’t miss Aroma, they are everywhere
• Guns are everywhere; a certain class of Russian seems to carry hand guns ubiquitously.

Since Israel and the Holy Land are probably one of the most visited and written about places of all time, I am not going to write a normal travel log or trip adviser, as I tend to do. I also decided not to put it in a day-by-day chronology, instead focusing on the areas I went and what I experienced (so for instance, I will write about Jerusalem and this will be the only note to tell you that I went there on two separate occasions over my 3+ weeks)

Tel-Aviv is in some ways a typical modern Mediterranean city. I found it resemble Barcelona – old mixed with new, palm trees, beaches, metropolitan, and so on. I spent a lot of time around the city because Idan had to work and often when he did I would wander around or hang out with his friends. I arrived on New Year’s Eve which was also Hanukkah. I am not a fan of NYE celebrations so I skipped them, but Hanukkah in Israel is great! Not a single Christmas tree in sight, no garish insidious excessive materialism, not a notice of Jesus anywhere. What are people doing instead? Eating doughnuts, spinning dreydls, and lighting hanokiot. Sitting in Aroma having an evening cup of coffee, we hear the prayers being recited for the lighting of the candles and decide to go walk and try to see what is happening – a public menorah with many people around it. It just felt right, a Jew in the Jewish State being Jewish with other Jews.

Some of the places I like in Tel-Aviv are Big Mama, The Carmel Shuk and Shenkein area, IceBerg, Rothschild, Jaffo, walking on the beach.

The Galilee (Kineret) and Golan Heights Regions – After I throw up in the street somewhere in downtown Hadera, we head off towards Tiberias. My family bought us a cabin in Livnim near the edge of the Kineret for a few days. The cabin (Idan keeps calling it a cabin, but it is really like a nice hotel suit) has a view of the lake and over towards the Church of the Beatitudes. As soon as we could I had Idan stop so I could touch the lake and the river Jordan. I am silent as we pass by the Mount of The Sermon on the Mount. I am in awe, I imagine Jesus “Blessed are the peacemakers…” Silently, I reach down and touch the water. It is astounding. As we drive off to Safed I continue to imagine the minds at work in this small spot over the millennia. Nothing you or I will do will be talked about next week, let alone in 2000 years from now.

Once in Safed we tour some of the synagogues, the history of Jews in the area, Satmar and Brelov, and wander down to the cemetery. The tomb of H’Ari, Karo, Cordovero, and others are all painted blue to help you find them. A large group of non-English speaking Hassidim are dancing and singing at the grave of H’ari. I am willing to bet they are Chabad, since they are all about Luria. From the grave of Luria you can see directly across to Mt. Meron where it is believed that the Rashbi composed the Zohar. How could you stand here and not be in awe. So much of where we are and where we have been comes from this small little town.

We drive towards Mt. Hermon. Idan tells me a story about a helicopter crash where many soldiers died, with an eerie twist, the parasha for the week had something to do with a tail and a fire. I forget that story but it as creepy. Up in the corner if Israel, we stop to see some of the remnants of war. Idan called them bases, these are not bases, they are forward positions, nothing permanent. UN monitor, tanks, bullet ridden homes. I grab a piece of the ground to take home, just in case this wonderful countryside reverts back to the Syrians. No matter what they do, Jews tread here. The landscape reminds me of Nova Scotia. We travel past Nimrod fortress, a crusader era castle, talk to some Druze, check out The Banyas, and over the Kiryat Shmona. On a whim we decide to drive up in the mountains above the city to see the border with Lebanon, but the clutch on the car seems to be smoking a lot, so we decide that more mountain driving is out of the question.Upon returning to Hadera, I hit the books. I want to know everything I can about the history of what went on in Safed. I simply could not get over the connection I felt with that area. I end up having this intense nightmare where I wake up Idan and say “There is evil in this room” and go back to bed. Yikes!

Along the way home Idan shows me the microtown of Tefen. He explains that he has relatives there. Towns take on a strange industrial park like quality in this part of Israel.A must see is Rosh Hanikra. These caves, naturally formed out of limestone, are the site of some interesting history from Ottoman times, thought the mandate into statehood. But more importantly, they are simply beautiful to wander through.

Hadera & Kisarya – Mostly an immigrant town, Hadera is the location of Idan’s family store, selling shoes, and related items. There is also an Aroma and a Train station which I used to get to Tel Aviv.Kisarya is the Roman ruins of Herod’s era, a posh neighborhood, and a power plant, I think coal. The ruins are worth a walk through and run right up to the beach. There is a large still standing section of an ancient aqueduct. Pay close attention to the restoration in progress, as the tents often cover the areas of most interest, like complex mosaics.

A couple times we take Bono, Idan’s Chow Chow for a run on the beaches here. He is great to run with, because he cannot run too fast!Haifa – is the major port city for Israel and it looks like it. There are huge cranes along the ocean front, railroads, containers, factories, chemical plants and long warehouses. Good luck if you want to find the tomb of the prophet Elijah. Idan and I spent hours hunting for it, asked many people, and even search on the internet. No avail. One of the main attractions is the B’hai Gardens which run up the side of Mt. Carmel culminating in a large temple like structure. They are spectacular and offer amazing views of the city, port, and beyond into the Mediterranean.

Acre/Akko – The old city of Akko has been continuously inhabited since the times of the Phoenicians. We walked through the narrow old streets seeing the lighthouse, waterfront, mosques, crusader halls, and the variety of other features of what I am told is a typical Arab town. It is my first experience interacting with Arabs and proved to be reasonable, I bought some pottery. In the central shuk Idan got me to try Knafeh (كنافة) – a ridiculously sweet cheese bread thing served doused with sugar water. It was so sugary I almost puked. On the way back to the car we saw a cat jump up into the engine! For a good 30 minutes, as is started to rain, we tired to figure out how to get the stupid cat out. It must have left while we were not looking.

Jerusalem - Idan and I walk from the Western Wall towards what I think is the entrance to the area where the dome of the rock is - the huge Muslim complex they built on the remains of our temple. We walk toward the gate and there are about 9 of the most heavily armed soldiers I have ever seen - 2 guns each, full body amour, the whole thing. It was kind of funny. They ask us where we are going, in a nice voice, and I tell them I want to go see the dome of the rock and so on.

They switch in to Hebrew to talk to Idan and the only thing I make out is them asking him if we are Muslims and Idan replies no, Jews, and the soldiers return the most incredulous look ever. I mean EVER. And say in English, if you go up there there will be a riot. It turns out it is the feast of something or other (I don’t know the name) but it is when Abraham was going to sacrifice Isaac. While it is nice of them to celebrate OUR lore, I am a bit confused (I am only kidding; I know why they recognize this.) I just wish you could have seen the look on the soldier’s faces repeating “Jewish!?” You all know me, I am thinking, hell I am not a Jew; I am a man of the world who wants to see this special space - the eternal Aquarian! No deal. I did see the tomb of Christ and helped an infirm Spanish lady into the VERY small room (room is making it sound larger than it is) with her candle and her cane. She cried for Christ to help her walk better. It was touching. The western wall, what can I say, it is a wall, begging pathetic Jews all over - I need money for my kid’s tefillin, etc… I gave them money but only after looking them in the eye and saying to them that making this kind of a false statement on the grounds of the temple will certainly be severely punished. One man handed me back the coin.

I don’t know if I want to say this out loud, but Jerusalem is disgusting. The Arab parts of NASTY (ok we don’t need to debate why, I know, I know, but they are gross nonetheless). It is striking that you are in a pile of guts one minute and in a wonderful art shop 10 steps later as you cross from the Arab part into the Jewish or Christian. I am trying hard not to project, but when I walked around in East Jerusalem (Arab section) people were totally looking me up and down and Idan was freaking out. I feel the exact border in this war of cultures and it is here. It is the interface zone where chemicals behave oddly as they move across the border of the 2 substances, just like in organic chemistry. I wanted it to feel more holy and I wanted it to feel divine, but instead it feels gross and icky - like everything these religions teach us NOT to be.

We got Mrs. Keating an olive wood rosary that we took to the Tomb of Jesus to have anointed and blessed, and then we walked the Stations of the Cross with it, touching it to each station.The only other interesting thing is the camera system that seems to run along the walls of the city. There are cameras that seem to sp very rapidly covered in dark glass. They catch you eye because every quarter of a second the light is reflected into your eye. I wonder what they are recording. I am assuming they are looking for some sort of movement – comparing sequential images one after the other.Another highlight is seeing the Dead Sea Scrolls. Simply amazing.I bought this nice white gold Magen David necklace in the Cardo. I got yelled at by Idan for being a bad haggler. Yes I am a bad haggler. I offered the man MORE than he was asking for. Idan quickly banished me from the shop and appeared a moment later with the item in question, having paid only a fraction of what I had offered. Ah the cultural gap…We went to a nice modern mall near the zoo, it wasn’t anything special except that I noticed teenaged boys in skater clothing with their fringes poking out from under the baggy t-shirts and yarmulkes under the element baseball caps. How fun!

Dead Sea - As we drive closer a large deep blue lake appears – the Dead Sea! The first thing we do is go down to swim in the sea. It is exactly what you think: it is so salty it burns everything, tastes gross, and you float. There are even plastic railing about 3 inches above the surface of the water for you to tuck your feet under to keep you from floating away. The hotel has a heated sea water pool which is much nicer. As a treat we get massages and Dead Sea mud packs. Unbelievably relaxing! So relaxing we pass out in the hotel room without saying a word.

Masada - We wake up at 4am to leave the hotel and make the short drive to the base camp of Masada. Make a note that the snake path is hard to find in the dark. I run through the locked up complex at the base of the cable car until I find a small sign pointing the way. Flashlights in hand Idan and I start to hike. When the path starts to get tough it is bordered by railings and steps. As it begins to be twilight we spot Ibexes watching us.

The Jewish Alamo is remarkable and the lore surrounding it is worth a whole other essay. We sit and watch the sun come up and then wander around to see the ruins until the first cable car departs downward. Three things left an impression: The large southern cistern, its adjacent swimming pool, and the step palace at the north. After the cable car down we wander into the Ahava factory stop located in the base of the cable car house.

Eilat – the drive down from the Dead Sea is only interrupted by a checkpoint where we are greeted by a smile and a “Shabbat Shalom” and waved trough. The general feel is like the Seaside Heights of Israel. There is an IMAX, movie theaters, loud music pouring out of bars, and wonderful beaches. My favorite part is a seaside walk which changes progressively from a raucous mall eastward and slowly the hotels become newer and nicer, as do the shops and places to eat. There are booths and stalls all along the walk selling everything you can imagine. One of the best meals I had in Israel was at a nice Italian Restaurant – La Cucina. Eilat is also known for its reefs in the Red Sea were I saw a couple fish I have in my tank at home. On a whim we stop at a camel farm on the left side of the road leaving the Oceanarium where we sit and have an amazing platter of freshly made pita, cut vegetables, tapenade, olives, and many kinds of cheese. Oh and hot super sweet tea. This spot is a must stop. Our hotel is the Isrotel Agamim which isn’t on the beach but is known for its first floor suits and the private canals that you can use to swim into the main pool.

Petra - Today we got up early and went to Petra in Jordan (المملكة الأردنية الهاشمي). We joined up with a tour group because not knowing Arabic is viewed as an impediment. The last thing I want is someone yelling commands at me in Arabic at the border and having no idea what is happening.There is a noticeable difference between the Israelis and the Jordanians, everything from the look and feel to the buildings at the border. The border crossing is a 1 block walk through a huge barbed wire cage with Israelis on one end and the Jordanians on the other. There are taxes to leave and enter that were handled by the tour guide.

Portraits of the King are everywhere and on everything - it is like “just in case you forget, he is watching.” When I say everywhere, I mean it, there are 1/2 story rear illuminated versions on the sides of governmental buildings.

Along the way I am astonished to see that all the things I thought Jordan would be like are true: there are people with traditional garb all over, sitting on the side of the road around coffee pots on camp fires, every car is one of those short small pickup trucks. I forget the word for those head scarf things but the ones that have them wrapped like jihadis - only the eyes showing freaked me out. Idan and our guide reminded me that is was cold out (which it was, to them) and they use those things to keep the sun off in the summer and like hats in the winter.Out the side of the van I see a desert fox with the huge ears.

We arrive at Petra and our guide, Ali, who speaks English very well, takes us all along thought the entrance path until we reach the treasury. It is so amazing I cannot describe it, many stories high carved into the wall of the wadi, simply astonishing. We then walk all the way down through to the food area (yes there are a few places to eat run by Bedouins). There is one amazing thing carved in the walls after another.

Part of the history of this area is that Moses and Aaron were supposed to have come through there on the way to Mt Nebo - where Moses died and is buried. Aaron stayed in Petra and his tomb is on top of a mountain in part of the city’s greater extents. Ali asked: “Why was Moses not allowed to enter the Promised Land?” I replied because he doubted the staff would produce water. Ali said “no, he didn’t get his passport stamped at the Israeli embassy.”We eat then start to wander back. On the way I get into the haggling groove and get a 20 dinar thing down to 5 and so on. Some kind of Arabs and their kids trying to sell you everything and anything - one dinar, one dinar, take look. In English, Spanish, German, and even Hebrew. One kid I haggled with spoke perfect English. Things cannot be that bad in Jordan.

The border back to Israel was rough, searches, a million questions, tests for explosives, etc… I am asked for my papers and asked: Where were you born? I answer. Where were you parents born? I answer. Do they hold Israeli passports? I answer that I don’t think so, but I never asked them. Have they ever been to Israel? I answer. And that is that. What is going on? Are they trying to figure out if they nab me for the army or something? And every time I am asked for my passport?!?!?! Idan thinks that being with him, having the name I do, and looking like I do makes them think I might have an Israeli passport and not traveling under it.

My Exit (written on the jet home) – You would have thought I was asking to meet G-d himself - that is what it was like checking in at Ben Gurion this morning. First a man asked me a series of questions: Do you have a ticket? NO. Why? It is 2006 who carries a paper ticket anymore? Do you have an itinerary? NO, I am on flight 85 seat 20D. You know this in your head? Yes. Do you celebrate any holidays? Yes. Which ones? I reply, well you know all the big ones, Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc… He looks at me. Have you ever studied another language? Yes, Russian, German, Spanish and a little French. How about as a child? Yes Hebrew. Where? In Hebrew School. What has this school called? I do not recall, most of the time it was the Rabbi’s wife and me as I grew in a small town. Where? Bangor, ME. I have never heard of it. I chuckle. Do you live in a Jewish community? Well, I live in the NYC area it pretty much all Jews. What was the name of you synagogue as a child? Beth Israel. Do you still go there? No it is about 500 miles from where I live now. Do you go to a synagogue now? No not really, I do not like the one near me; I go to services at the Chabad when I go. Ok thanks. Then everything I own is put into a HUGE machine (do we even have these in the US?) and out the other side I see they bar coded every bag. Then I am taken to a desk with this big computer screens that look like open books (all I kept thinking is “cool electronic Torahs!”). The barcodes are scanned and up come the photos of the guts of my bags on the screens. They want to look through every bag, and I notice that they are doing this to everyone. Person after person asked me the same questions. I am jockeying between 3 desks because I have three bags and all of them are being looked through by three different people asking me questions at about the same time. Then all of a sudden they all stop, look at my yarmulke and ask me: is this yours? Yes. Why do you have it? Reverence for the ever present G-d above. Where did you go in Israel, the Western Wall? Yes that is one of the places (and I proceed to tell the 7 people assembled in front of me everywhere I went…) You when to the Golan, why the Golan? Why not? It is pretty. And it goes on like that. But one of the new men is a man in a suit and I ask him what the problem is.No problem Sir. So you know Hebrew? No, only a few words. How come you do not know Hebrew? I didn’t know I had to know Hebrew to come visit Israel. Oh no Sir you do not, of course. Have you ever read - and I think he said to me in Hebrew “the Sacred Texts”? Then he says, I have to ask you a few questions and I look at him and say:

• I am Jewish, I was born in America, named in Temple Har Zion given the name Natan after my paternal great grand father
• Neither of my parents are Israeli, nor have them ever been here they are too scared to come here.
• This is my first time in Israel, except for my exit to Jordan to see Petra
• The purpose of my visit is tourism; you have a lovely country, tasty citrus.
• I know one person here in Israel and I was his guest, you may call him on the phone if you wish. He and I met In NYC once when he was traveling.
• I visited many places in Israel as part of my trip, as I was here for 3 weeks.
• I do not speak Hebrew beyond a few words.
• The Yarmulke as well as this Tallis are mine.
• I am not carrying anything from anyone else nor have my bags been out of my control since I packed them.
• And any other questions about what I do when I am home in America are none of your business.

He smiled and said: I guess you have been paying attention and said beseder (ok in Hebrew) and asked for my passport. He handed it to someone and they checked me in with continental returning back with the luggage tags. I asked him, what is going on here, and he said that there was a mistake and they would help me carefully repack my things up and escort me through the rest of security. Once he left, the nice young lady (maybe 20?) said to me - we were asking you all those questions to make it easier on you and we noticed it was upsetting you that we were asking them and we are sorry. I told her it made me feel like a criminal but, I shrugged, hey I would rather be safe than sorry, thanks! She escorted me past passport control, past the normal airline security, all the way to tax refund, and then pointed me to the C wing and I was off. And I will tell you this whole exchange proves I am an American - 100%. Why? Because, a public official asking me questions about my private religious life was genuinely offensive. And yes, I didn’t get it until half way to the jet way…they were trying to Jew me out!!!! If I had said yes I know Hebrew but only a little for prayers, yes I celebrate holidays like 4th of July and Yom Kippur, and so on I would have passed immediately!!! But then again I was flying home on Shabbat.